Right Hand On My Heart..........

Devils and Gods

God....I hate posting sad and morose news but, again, I find writing to be cathartic.....I need to express my thoughts on paper....work them out.....I internalize my feelings too often and they stay bottled inside, fermenting....weighing heavily. This month has sucked. Sure, I could have written a more appropriate word for my feelings but "sucked" provides me with the most feeling. Feeling it in my mouth and on my tongue and in the tone of my voice...it SUCKED.

Where to begin? March 6th. I check my phone and Lindsey has called three times. Peculiar and worrisome. I call her back and she is crying. Kacie is in the hospital. Drug overdose. ICU. Life support. I go home. I call Sarah. We go to the hospital. Kacie isn't going to make it. Friday night. Midnight food run. Go home. Sleep. Wake up. Call Lindsey, she stayed at the hospital. Saturday, bring food. Don sterile gloves, gown. Sit with Kacie. Tubes, noises. She doesn't look the same. I want to take off my gloves, touch her face. I can't. I cry. Again. Sunday, Monday. Her parents, her husband from Iraq. Tuesday. Kacie is gone. I cry. Again. Wednesday March 19th. Memorial. Sad. Pretty. Closure. Not closure.

Tuesday. March 25th. First day back. Called to cafeteria. Elyse. Not good. Student. Drowned. 4-years-old. Autistic. Mine. I cry. Again. Still crying. Sad. Devastated. No words.