Steady As We Go

I saw my sisters Friday night to celebrate Aly's birthday and I shared this tid-bit with them.

Cindy and I were having dinner the other night and I had asked her how Illiah, a mutual friend, was doing. She mentioned that Illiah had actually seen me the other night with Alyson and Megan. Apparently, Illiah and her fiancee, Greg, were viewing the same movie we were. They were seated toward the back of the theater. Illiah, however, never came to say hi. Her reason: she had never seen me so happy and didn't wish to interrupt what appeared to be a great sister bonding experience.

I think this little antecdote speaks volumes on how my sisters and I were raised. We were raised with a sense of love and loyalty. Very few people understand the depth of caring and loyalty my sisters and I have for one another but many comment on it; they wish they could experience the same thing with their siblings.

So there ya go!

Trials and Tribulations

It's Saturday morning and I am staring out the window surrounded by trees and ice. I'm house sitting for a friend and I'm surrounded by wilderness only a few miles from Bowie. It's quite peaceful and serene. Yet, under the calm I can slowly hear cracking of ice and see icicles fall from trees. The weather hear has been quite dreadful. Much of the mid-state had shut down schools since Tuesday evening due to the amount of ice we'd gotten. In all the years I can remember, I've never seen ice like this. I'd say there were two-three inches in College Park, more in other areas. I think the biggest hurdle for clearing all this ice is that the temperatures haven't reached above freezing yet. In fact, I was watching the news yesterday morning and it was warmer in Anchorage, Alaska then here in Maryland. I'm hoping for warmer weather today!
I've noticed a disturbing trend with me and aquiring days off. It appears that I get sick! That's right. Since Monday night I've had a terrible cold-verging on flu-like. I've had it all--chills, fever, aches, pains, sore throat. Well Friday I woke up to an unfortunate case of pink eye. Oh yes, pink eye. Who gets pink eye at 27-years-old? Oh, I do. So I called Julie who took me to the doctor's office. Yep, pink eye, some swollen glands, and one miserable me. It is the first time in three or four years I've left the house wearing my glasses and now I have to wear them for another four or five days.
I know that doesn't seem like a big imposition but for me it is. My glasses are associated with a much earlier time in my life where I was made fun of for my glasses and they had the thickness of a tree trunk! I'm going to sound completely vain and a bit hypocritical, as I am the one who ususally preaches about body image and the like, but how does one feel pretty with her glasses on and red eyes? Really now. I've always been complemented on how "pretty" my eyes are now they are covered up and goopy! EWWW! And the worst is, I had to throw make-up away.....the horrors. Anyway, I am hoping that by Monday I will be healed and on the verge of contact-wearing again!

Much love to all those enjoying the warmer weather...you know who you are!

Love, I get so lost sometimes....

It's late on Wednesday; really it's creeping into Thursday morning.....I can't sleep. I know those reading this blog will have a tough time with what I write in this post but I find that writing can be cathartic.

My grandmother died this week. I wasn't prepared. No matter how often I received the calls that she was ill, that she was not getting better, I wasn't prepared. Really though, who prepares for death. We can rationalize that she is in a better place, that her suffering is over; but in reality I'm not ready to say goodbye. Perhaps it is selfish but I wanted more time. More time to send the cards I always meant to send, more time to make the calls that I always promised to make. I want more time with the woman who cared for me in college and who called me by a special nickname no one else was allowed to use. I'll never hear that again. More time with the woman who sang songs when it thundered and who would run her hand down your back in the most comforting way.
It's funny, that house felt more like a home than my own sometimes. It was filled with such love and warmth and laughter. Family filled every room and no one ever rang the doorbell. I'm afraid that this weekend was the last time I slept in "the girls' room." Will this be my last ABA parade to stand on that porch and watch the mummers go by? I'm not sure if I could stomach Ashland with someone else in that house or seeing someone on that front porch. That house holds such memories. That hiding space behind the door, the cups that every grandchild played restaurant with, the plays and padgents we all held....
My grandmother, she was so happy to have her family around her and her family included their friends and the community of Ashland. She was the glue that held us all together. I'm not ready to say goodbye but I did. It was really easy to deny that it happened all weekend while here in Maryland but it's real and I am sad. Very sad. Sad for my self and my sisters but sad for my more sad for my mother and her brothers and sisters. I'm not ready.